OH HOLY NIGHT
by deetatarant
Summary: Not exactly a festive Christmas offering.....
1. Chapter 1

**OH HOLY NIGHT**

Ianto carefully made his way up to the autopsy bay two folded white sheets draped over his left arm a bowl of water in his hands. Once down the steps he placed the items on the work bench, Owen for once had actually tidied it, and turned to his task.

The dead child lying on the table had fallen through the Rift, alone and injured. It had happened some seven hours previously and Owen had battled to save the girl's life to no effect. Her death had been painful and frightening and she had squeezed Ianto's hand so tightly that two of his fingers had been dislocated. Ianto had let her hold on, whispering assurances, singing softly and ensuring that her journey to the other side had not been a lonely one.

Owen had tried everything he knew to help and then to relieve her pain but he had been met with failure and had eventually stepped away and left Ianto to comfort her final two hours. All Owen could think of was how grateful he was that Tosh and Gwen were at home doing Christmas away from all this and where the hell was Jack when you needed him?

He hoped the girls would never know how loudly someone in pain could scream.

He sighed, he didn't realise that Ianto could sing and the melody haunted him more than the screaming. Ianto's demeanour had not wavered for a moment throughout the entire ordeal. He had gently coerced her name, date of birth, planet of origin as he softly spoke Welsh fairytales and told of magical kingdoms in the hopes that it would help in a way medicine could not. The girl had been as alien as she was human, her physiology unresponsive to the salves that Owen had pumped into her body, she looked a lot like Tosh. Owen had watched in silence as she had clung to Ianto with her fierce, sad gaze. Tears had streaked down her oval face and Ianto had wiped them away and smiled reassuringly.

Owen paced the length and breadth of the Hub and until finally the cries had stopped. He raced back to the autopsy bay to find Ianto sitting on the exam couch with the girl bundled in his arms, frozen in some kind of macabre tableau. He stood on the upper level and watched as Ianto reverently lay her body down and then he carefully straightened out his clothes before standing erect beside the bed one tiny hand grasped in both of his. Owen was certain he shouldn't be hearing what came next.

"I know she's not from here, but whatever has befallen her is not her fault, please look after her and if there is any way for you to reunite her with her family, please find it. I'd hate to think she'd be alone. Her name is Asha Annana Hinu, she was born on Uishi Colony, it's a long from here in every way, but you have a big heart and a very big heaven, so please do this for me. I promise to make it up to you."

When Ianto turned away Owen saw shaking hands and water glistening on the younger man's cheeks. Ianto hitched a breath and looked up, his professional mask already in place.

"Did you want to do a post mortem?"

Owen shook his head. "Nah mate, she's suffered enough." He replied quietly.

Ianto nodded, clearly appreciating the decision. "I'll just get some things to prep her for the morgue then."

xx

Jack came into the Hub to find Owen sitting working at Gwen's terminal. He shrugged off his coat and hung it up.

"What are you doing here?"

Owen finally looked up from his report and Jack sucked in a breath at the look on his face.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He hissed.

Jack frowned. "Out, I asked first......"

"There was a Rift alert Ianto and I dealt with it, but we couldn't get hold of you, your phone was off and quite frankly you could have been able to help...... too late now of course. I hope she was worth it." Owen kept his gaze firmly fixed on his computer terminal. "I'd give Ianto a bit of space if I were you."

Of course that was like waving the proverbial red rag. "Where is he?"

Owen pointed and glared at Jack. "Don't go rushing in there, I mean it Jack. He's had a rough day."

Jack sighed, he'd also had a rough day and had planned on forgetting about it in Ianto's bed. He stomped of in the direction of Owen's domain but stopped dead in his tracks at the top of the stairs.

Ianto was lovingly wrapping a child into a winding sheet and talking quietly as he worked....

"...... We have a flying dinosaur called Myfanwy, she's really quite friendly once you get to know her so I've brought you a cuddly version so you can hold her if you get scared. I'm sorry the morgue isn't a very nice place to keep you and I will find somewhere better very soon, I promise. I always keep my promises Asha. I've recorded everything and I'll make sure it is saved so that one day maybe your family will find out what happened to you and have closure. I know they will miss you so much....."

A small soft toy was enfolded in the wrappings and finally when Ianto was done he kissed her forehead before covering her face. "I'm so sorry we couldn't help you, couldn't save you. I've said a prayer and I hope God is listening tonight so you'll be safe and won't hurt anymore."

His task done Ianto carefully lifted the body onto the dumbwaiter and pushed the drawer into the wall so that the lift lowered the corpse to the lower levels. Ianto turned to meet her down there and assign her to a drawer. He unrolled his sleeves and did up his cuffs and then pulled on his Jacket before making for the steps. Suddenly he noticed Jack standing there staring at him and Ianto pushed past him without a word and headed down to the morgue.

Jack let him go, aware that he had missed something terrible. It was Christmas Day for crying out loud, all he had wanted was a couple of hours with his daughter and grandson and Alice had practically slammed the door in his face. Jack had run into the arms of old discrete friend of his after that, his phone switched off and abandoned on the back seat of Ianto's car, which he had borrowed without asking. Jack sighed wondering just how much worse this day was going to get. He retreated to his office, ignoring Owen's snort of disgust as he went. Once at his desk Jack called up the CCTV logs for the last few hours and did a fast forward through the footage to get the general idea.

Shit.

Ianto closed door number 0867 and locked it with a personal code. He would give her decent burial as soon as he could find a suitable spot, part of him wondering if it really mattered but in the end he decided it did, if only to help himself get over what had happened. An over whelming sense of failure flooded over him and Ianto felt dirty and old with it. He retreated to the locker rooms to wash the day away from his body, before going home. He reflected on the irony that the previous Christmas he had been nursing Jack, and the one before that Lisa, or what was left of her...... He'd failed her too. The shower was not in the least helpful and his hand ached intensely, blue and black blossoming across his knuckles. The strapping would need to be replaced. Finally re-suited he made his way back up to the Hub and over to Owen.

"Could you re do this please, sorry I got the last lot wet."

Owen got straight to his feet and led Ianto back down the tiled steps and sat him down in a chair. The first thing he did was offer up a glass of water and two white tablets.

"Pain killers."

Ianto took them and handed back the empty glass. Owen set to work and Ianto sat there, stony and silent.

"You did good Ianto."

Ianto didn't seem to notice much.

"I mean helping her like that, I know if I'm gonna go out like that, I'd like to think that someone would do that for me."

"She died Owen."

Owen finished up, double checking his work before releasing Ianto's hand.

"I know. Sometimes that is the way it goes. It's the worst part about being a doctor. You did something really amazing Ianto, you held a complete stranger in your arms and made sure she didn't die alone and terrified."

"She was scared."

Owen shook his head. "She was in pain Ianto, but I don't think she was scared, towards the end."

Ianto looked down at his bandaged hand. "I couldn't stop her dying."

"Neither could I and that's my Job. You did good, I promise you." Owen squeezed his shoulder.

"Look mate, you got any festive plans?"

Ianto shook his head.

"Me either, why don't you come back to mine and help me out with an 18 year old malt from the medicine cabinet."

Ianto blinked up at him and tried to smile. He finally nodded. "Yeah, ok. I just need a minute to talk to Jack."

Owen nodded. "Don't get waylaid."

xx

Jack glanced up from the book he was reading and sighed at the defeated look on Ianto's face.

"You feeling any better?"

Ianto shook his head as he stepped forwards, his face assuming that deadly calm mask that Jack had learnt to fear over recent months.

"I'm only going to say this once Jack. Don't you ever leave your phone switched off again, there was a reasonable chance that you may have been able help this evening, even remotely, with your knowledge of what's out there. You take so much of our lives, the very least you can do is answer your phone. I know something has happened to you today that has hurt you deeply. I don't know what because you never fucking tell me anything, but quite frankly tonight I find that I don't give a shit........ I'm going home now. I shall be in first thing in the morning and unless the world really is ending I do not want to know." He turned and talked out of the office closing the door behind him.

Jack watched a few minutes later as Ianto and Owen, bundled in coats and scarves left the Hub for the night. Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

Later that night Jack let himself into Ianto's sparsely furnished flat to find it empty. Jack parked himself on the couch and waited for him to come home.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I didn't realise I hadn't hit complete and after so many reviews I thought I'd better add more.......Part One was supposed to be a one off thing......OK am away for a couple of days now (off to see GDL's panto) and don't worry Northern Lights and the last part of this are almost in the bag....**

**THANK YOU FOR THE READING AND REVIEWING.....**

**PART TWO**

A pale dawn slid across Cardiff with a stiff Easterly wind on its tail. Jack watched it from Ianto's living room window, well more accurately he was watching for Ianto. It concerned him that Ianto hadn't come home. The ansaphone had picked up a call from his sister, some random friend Jack had never heard of and Tosh; all of them wishing him a merry Christmas and wondering where the hell he was. Now it was Boxing Day, clear and cold. Jack spied a lone figure walking somewhat unsteadily along the street below, hunched into a dark long coat and red scarf.

Ianto.

Jack heaved out a long sigh of relief. A few minutes later the key was in the door and Ianto stomped into his over neat flat and fumbled with coat buttons to get them undone, his hands shaking with cold and too much of last night's alcohol. Jack stood watching him from the kitchen doorway having put the kettle on, Ianto would need tea. It took the Welshman a few moments to notice Jack standing there.

"What are you doing here?" The scarf was hung up and his scuffed shoes were toed off and kicked out of the way.

Jack really hadn't counted on his young friend being this angry. "I was worried."

Ianto strode past him toward his bedroom and Jack caught the distinct whiff of cannabis and scotch.

"You should have phoned me Jack." Ianto bitched over his shoulder. "You know the thing where you press the buttons with numbers on." The bedroom door was slammed shut.

Rolling his eyes Jack followed, opening the door to discover Ianto stripping out of yesterday's clothes.

"Get out Jack."

Jack just stood there. "Will you stop being pissy with me. I'm sorry about Yesterday, truly, but I had something I needed to do. It was important to me and I did not want Torchwood getting in the way."

Ianto glared at him, his shirt half undone. "Fine, so why didn't you tell me yesterday so I could have at least not wasted any effort trying to call you ten times. I never turn my phone off Jack, not even when I was on suspension. You said it to me so many times before Torchwood is 24 7, it takes your life away. I know that better than anyone. Loss and pain aren't exclusive to you and your oh so long life Jack, the rest of us matter, what we do matters. All you had to do is ask for some time, explain to us that you have a life outside that you wanted to..... but no it's just you and your fucking secrets. So why don't you just piss off out of here and leave me to get ready for work in peace."

Jack glared at him for a moment and turned and walked out of the room to grab his great coat.

"Fine."

He left the flat slamming the front door behind him.

Ianto continued to undress, throwing his clothes into the wash basket before heading for a much needed shower.

He arrived into work at 9am and remembered somewhat belatedly that Owen and Gwen still had the day off, it being Christmas. Tosh was working quietly at her Terminal and she looked up as Ianto entered through the cog door and they exchanged smiles before she returned her attention to her screen. Ianto glanced across the Hub, noticing that Jack was at his desk, shut away in the confines of his office. Instead of going to make coffee Ianto went straight down to the archive and his own desk, he sat there in the semi darkness for a while before picking up the phone and ringing Helen out at Flat Holm Island. He rubbed at his brow as he waited for her to pick up.

"Hello, is that you Ianto?"

Ianto smiled despite himself. "Yeah Helen, I've got a bit of an unusual request, if you don't mind." He could tell she was smiling to.

"After all those wonderful gifts you sent over how can I possibly refuse, what can I do for you?"

Ianto wasn't sure where to begin. "I have the body of a young girl here, we have no means of identifying her I was wondering if I could bury her in the little cemetery. I just don't like the idea of her staying in our morgue forever."

"Yes, Ianto of course, but I can't spare anyone to dig the hole, most of the staff are away for Christmas."

Ianto nodded. "That's ok. I can do it, I don't mind. Please expect me later today, if someone could meet me at the jetty with a trolley I'd be grateful."

"Of course, send me a quick text when you're nearly here and I'll send Tom down to meet you."

"Thanks Helen, is there any shopping you need me to bring over?"

"No we're good Ianto. See you later."

"Yes, will do." He hung up and sighed. It was going to be a long day.

Xxxxxxxxx

Ianto made his way up to Jack's office with a mug of black coffee in hand. Tentatively he tapped on the door and entered. Jack looked up from his work and smiled when he saw the mug. Ianto passed it to him and then stood back wanting distance between them.

"I have to go out to Flat Holm for the rest of the day."

"What's happened?"

Ianto sucked in a breath. "The girl from yesterday. I'm taking her out there to bury her. The morgue is no place for her, her body is in sealed containment so there's no risk. Helen has cleared it."

Jack could feel annoyance rising in his gut once again. "But I didn't."

"Well, you can now. We're quiet, the predictor indicates nothing is due to happen for another couple of days. I'd like to put her to rest."

Jack's eyebrows shot up. "Since when did you get religion?"

Ianto felt himself tense up. "Do I have your permission, sir?"

"You're asking me now? Jeez Ianto what is going on with you today?"

Out of the corner of his eye Ianto became aware that Tosh was looking at them through the windows of Jack's office.

"I just want to do something right by her, that's all. There's no harm in it. I need this Jack, after yesterday I need this, in the way you wouldn't let me do the same for Lisa. It's not about religion, it's about closure. Do I have your permission or not?"

Jack sagged, the wind well and truly knocked out of his sails. "Of course you do........" He gazed vacantly about the office for a moment. "Would you like some help?"

Ianto nodded. "Yes, thank you."

"Ok, come find me when you're ready to go."

Ianto nodded stiffly and walked out of the office, closing the door behind him. He made his way back to the kitchenette to get his own mug of coffee, but Tosh stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Ianto, is everything alright?"

He froze, dropping his favourite non descript mask into place. "It's fine Tosh, really. Owen and I just had a bad day yesterday that's all."

"Right, ok. So long as you're sure."

Ianto smiled faintly her. "Thanks Tosh."

She let him go and went straight back to her seat and set about examining yesterday's logs.............


	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE**

After the handing over of copious amounts of money the boat pilot was easily convinced to go out to Flat Holm. As usual he didn't question it, the money ensured that and he watched somewhat worriedly as the two men hauled out a body bag from back of the black SUV and brought it onto his launch. It was bitter blustery day with sleet driving in from the North East. It would be a rough crossing. He watched the younger of the two men as he gripped the rail and stared out into the churning grey sea oblivious to the icy rain. The other man, 'Captain Jack' was huddled in the back of the cabin drinking coffee from a flask, his face grim.

Ianto hunkered down into his coat and held on to the rail with gloved hands, his hangover was clearly going to feel a hell of a lot worse by the time they reached the island. The Bristol Channel churned as much as his stomach as he braced himself against his nausea. The boat dipped into the lashing waves and rose again pitching forwards and Ianto unconsciously gripped the rail a little tighter reflecting a little guiltily that perhaps he had been too harsh on Jack. It had been a silent journey in the SUV to the jetty. In truth Ianto did not know what to say to him because he was still angry and still hungover. He'd wanted to avoid speaking out of turn and so he had kept quiet. He was upset that once again Jack had gone off and not told him he was going or where he was going. More secrets, Ianto hated the secrets in the same way he'd hate..... well a secret lover. It had been obvious that Jack had slept with someone else yesterday because Ianto just knew instinctively, Jack was always off with him if he'd been with someone else. It bothered him that Jack's behaviour was something he had just grown used to, what bothered him more was the fact was the fact that Jack felt the need to do it in the first place. Ianto sighed overwhelmed by his own sense inadequacy. Christmas had got by him once again without him having seen his family and the one friend he had outside of Torchwood and Ianto realised just how tired of it all he really was. Maybe it was time to quit, accept the Retcon and leave, or just run away, he could disappear easily. The ocean moved relentlessly around him and Ianto watched from his place on the boat, wishing his life could be so uncomplicated.

Jack had watched through the salt stained window, worried that Ianto might actually do something stupid. It was stupid, in Jack's view, standing out there in the freezing rain, but Ianto clearly needed some space. The younger man had made a couple of flasks of coffee before setting out and Jack had decided to make good use of the life saving beverage he loved so much. He sipped and watched. He could remember a few worse Christmas' than this one, but not many. He'd hoped that by now Alice would at least let him in over thresh hold of her front door so that he could say hello to his grandson. He loved his daughter and hated her in equal measure and yesterday had hurt far more than he thought possible and the casual sex with Claudia had done little to resolve his upset. Thankfully Claudia never expected anything of him and his gifts had been received with the same enthusiasm that Alice had shown in rejecting them. Claudia's son would at least have something new this year. Jack shut that thought down, realising somewhat belatedly that by now he should really be explaining to Ianto about his family. It was now, far too late to be helpful, that Jack figured out why Ianto was so angry. It wasn't about the phone being off, it was about trust. Ianto had been shut out once again. The coffee was wonderful as always and Jack savoured the flavour, still keeping half an eye on the young man on the deck.

Simon was waiting at the jetty with a trolley and two shovels, but he quickly departed back to the warmth of the underground hospital after instructing Ianto where he could dig his hole for the body. Ianto smiled and thanked him and shoved a handful of twenty pound notes into his hand.

"That's for you guys for new years, thanks Simon."

Jack kept quiet as he and Ianto wheeled the trolley up the rugged path and along the cliff face. The wind buffeted them and the rain turned to snow, biting cold fingers searching under their clothes with relentless success. Almost an hour of battling through the weather and Jack was all for giving up, but Ianto kept going until they reached the secluded spot where there were a half dozen little wooden crosses sunk into the tufty grass. The last grave had been dug some eighteen months previously. Jack and Ianto had done that on Ianto's first trip out here. Fortunately the wind was blocked and Ianto set to work straight away, carefully easing the top layer of grass away from the ground and shovelling it aside. Jack joined him and discovered the ground was hardened with frost from the night before.

They worked in silence the wind howling above them, snow swirling in. Two hours in and Ianto stopped for a moment and rubbed at his lower back. Jack paused and looked at him with some concern.

"You ok?"

Ianto nodded and then continued to dig into the unyielding ground. The sky darkened as evening sank in and Jack found the two lanterns from the bottom of the trolley and turned them on. The stark light cast their long shadows into the dusk. The snow had finally stopped falling and the hole was deep enough to do what needed to be done. The shovels were cast aside and they stood heaving chilled breathes.

Ianto went to the trolley and carefully lifted the body bag. Jack hadn't realised until then, how small it was. Ianto reverently carried it and Jack stepped ahead jumped down into the hole to receive it from him. Jack carefully arranged it in the hole and climbed out and stood beside Ianto. Ianto's gaze was fixed on the grave they had dug and to Jack's surprise he began to speak.

"I'm sorry it's not much, but the view from here in the summer is beautiful, and you'll hear the gulls and the birds that live here and the sea is so blue. The others here are lost like you so you won't be alone."

Without thinking Jack draped an arm over Ianto's shoulder and pulled him against his side. Ianto didn't resist, he just stood leaning against Jack, taking the warmth that seemed to permanently emanate from him. He snaked an arm around Jack's back, his gloved fingers gripping at the fabric of Jack's sodden woollen coat.

"I'm sorry Jack." It was so quiet.

"Me too."

They looked at the grave.

"Come on. Let's get this done and go home."

Ianto nodded. "Yeah."

It was six hours later before they finally made it back to Ianto's flat. They were wet through and shivering with cold and the welcoming heat from the confines of Ianto's apartment was wonderful. The moment they were inside Ianto went straight to the kitchen and put the kettle on.

"I'll make some soup."

Jack pulled off his coat and hung it up in the hallway. He inspected himself.

"Mind if I grab a shower?"

Ianto smiled at him, still wrapped up in his coat. "You go ahead, you've got a set of fresh clothes in my closet, help yourself."

Jack hesitated as their eyes met, he swallowed at the desolate look on Ianto's face.

"I know we're not ok right now, can we talk about this?"

Ianto looked away and shivered. "I'd like to get warm and dry first."

Jack sighed. "Ok."

Sometime later and Ianto finally padded out of his bedroom wrapped in pyjamas and dressing gown with thick socks on his feet. He settled himself at Jack's side on the couch in front of the TV. Jack stretched out the quilt and covered them both, allowing Ianto to snuggle into his side, their arms wrapped around each other, automatically. Jack kissed the top of his head.

"Better now?"

Ianto nodded. "I can feel my toes again."

"Good."

The television was flicked off. They had to talk and Jack just didn't want to, not right now.

"Can we just sit here and pretend everything is alright?"

Jack was startled by the question, and tightened his hold on the younger man.

"I'd like that."

"I just wish you would trust me Jack."

"I do trust you."

Ianto huffed out a sigh, clearly unconvinced. "What happened to you yesterday?"

"Can we do this later?"

"One day Jack, I will be dead and there will be no later." Ianto wriggled himself free and sat up so that he could into Jack's face. "I don't expect to know everything Jack, I can't know everything, but I need to know that you trust me."

Jack looked him for a long moment. "I trust you with my soul, I just have a long past Ianto and I don't want you tangled up in my past mistakes."

"Will I be one of those mistakes Jack?"

"Never, I swear to you. Ianto you're the only thing holding me together right now."

Ianto pulled the quilt up and bunched the edge of it in his fists.

"Then stop drifting off, stop fucking around and come home when things go to shit. I am here for you, at least I am trying to be and you seem to fight it every step of the way."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"We keep saying that to each other. It's pathetic really."

Jack smiled at that, Ianto was always the observant one. Jack simply held out his arm.

"Can we just pretend for a while? Please?"

Ianto nodded and settled back down at Jack's side, his head resting against Jack's chest.

**FINIS**


End file.
